back in february my roommate decided she was suddenly morally superior to everyone else because of her strict vegan diet. that’s fine whatever, live your life, right? except she immediately started a war against my 14-year-old blind cat.

​she kept demanding i rehome him because his dander "polluted the apartment air quality" and even went behind my back to file a fraudulent complaint with our landlord claiming my cat was a safety hazard, which almost got me slapped with a pet fine and eviction warning. I was furious.

​she’s one of those people who posts online about how her "vegan gut health" has completely cured her brain fog and anxiety. so i decided to test just how real her discipline actually was.

​every time i cooked dinner for myself or baked, i started sneaking regular butter, heavy cream, or sharp cheddar powder into her portioned-out meal prep containers in the fridge. nothing that would make her violently ill, just enough to break her precious plant-based streak.

​it has been eight months. she constantly brags to our friends and on her instagram stories about how her skin has never looked clearer, how her digestion is peak performance, and how much "mental clarity" she’s gained since cutting out all animal products completely.

​she even gave a 20-minute speech at our friend's birthday dinner last weekend about how refusing to touch dairy is the ultimate test of willpower.

​i sit across from her, nod along, and eat my garlic butter pasta while she talks about her vegan superpowers. my cat is still sleeping peacefully on the living room couch, and she has no idea her entire lifestyle is built on a foundation of hidden lactose.

​i know it’s petty and unhinged, but i genuinely don't feel bad.